I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
