so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
