im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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