Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
