Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
