We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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