just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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