Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
