it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
