I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
