Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
