oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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