I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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