just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
