how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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