Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
