I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
