i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
