I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
