porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
