i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
3 2 1 whiskey
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
