so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
