threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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