Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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