i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
false alarm, still single
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
