I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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