Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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