I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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