I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
