am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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