so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
