I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
