maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
