She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Someone signed my nipple.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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