My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
