just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
