I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
