just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
