We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
