I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
