my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
