last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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