Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
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