ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
