I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
