And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
