um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
