so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
