Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
