Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
