I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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